Monday, December 13, 2010/ 4:57 AM

It's like walking on a bunch of  fluffy clouds this close to falling.

It’s like when I thought I was finally ready to take a grip on something so worth everything, and then I suddenly, out of the blue, fall – back to where I started – which is a place waaaay too far from where I have been for some time now. Where the hell did all my efforts go?!

Even the littlest things have their own littlest way of making us realize things we never understood. I thought I knew my feelings so well. I thought I could get over them so easily.

I really didn’t give a shit – until I finally did. I finally cared. I finally, for the first time in my whole god-forsaken love experience, cared about my feelings.

Okay. So maybe I’m stupid. I’m blowing off the ninety nine percent possibility of finally having a relationship so better than the previous one, all for a stupid guy who doesn’t even have the slightest idea of these [insert-F-word-here] feelings-or-whatever I have for him. Or maybe he does, only that, he’s a freakin’ coward too scared of getting dumped or something. And he would never know I'd never do that cause I love him.

Congratulations, SELF. You’ve just become this century’s STUPIDEST (FAN)GIRL. A century cause yes, I have this feeling this whole obsession thing would last that long – which just SUCKS.. LIKE HELL.. I wish I could just, you know. Get rid of it, one woooooshh of Fairy Godmother’s wand and I’m over him. Oh how I wish that’d happen.

I’m tired. Tired of extending my damaged eye sight just to recognize him from a distance. Tired of looking away everytime he catches me looking at him. Tired of blushing everytime his presence starts haunting me. Tired of these giddy butterflies inside my stomach. If only everything was as easy as Create and Delete, or Cut and Paste. So I could just Cut my feelings for him, and Paste it to this someone else who is so willing to be there. If only it wasn’t as hard as THIS.

I’m stupid... and stuff. And I’m sorry for that. I just... you know. Love him… in the stupidest way I could ever imagine. To the guy who’s there. I’m sorry you had to know too late. I never knew things were like this ‘til you came. I never knew how deep I’ve fallen for him ‘til you made me realize how much you have for me.

I hate the way I love him. It’s just so… EPIC. I wish I could talk to him. You know, tell him how much I like him, so I could just get over it like that. Would someone mind giving me sufficient guts I'd need to do that?

Someday, I'll get over you. Someday, these eyes will land on someone much better than you. Someday, my neck would strain of too much looking for someone else, my instincts would look for someone else's presence. Someday, my heart would beat for someone else. Someday, I'll get over you. Someday..

But right now, would you just let that someone be you?

PS. I'll be missing the next challenge for now.

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