Inside my mind? 2011.

Seven of Diamonds

Sunday, May 8, 2011/ 9:05 AM

[Pre-script: Before you read, I just want you to know that it's okay to laugh. And if you have even just a single drop of a love cynic's blood, please please please don't dare read, you might end up fainting for laughing too much. Thanks... and please don't read.]

7♦
I would've won you know. If only I had realized it a minute earlier and had taken the right card. It took me one wrong card, and the game was over, just like that. One wrong move, and I was back to step one again; laying the cards.

For the first time in a very long time, I played the cards again today. Solitaire... my game, ohyea. I don't really play the game that much and I'm not saying I'm good at it either. But, it never took me more than three tries to win. I dunno. Maybe it was sheer luck, maybe not.

But today, was different. I've gotten five tries; still no luck.
I was just about to start my next try. I'm not the kind of person who gives up just like that; I'm pretty tough and God, for sure, knows that.

I'm not the kind who cheats either. I don't cheat on life. Well maybe on some other stuff I do; but on stuff I know I'm good at? Never. You know that last move? the one where I didn't realize eight of spades was sitting there waiting for me to pick up seven of diamonds from the deck but just ignored? I could've undone that. I mean, no one was watching; and if, I ever had the intention of cheating, I was technically gonna cheat on myself. It was solitaire, for godsake.. a one-man game.

I could've.. But I didn't. Cause I was tryna play fair.

I was laying the cards for my sixth try, and I knew, just that moment, I had to do something. It never took me more than three tries! It was at my sixth; and I knew the cards were telling me something. So I paused and debated with... well with myself for a while. For a second I thought I was becoming totally insane. I mean, come on! Cards? Tryna tell me something? Pfffff. I know it sounds shitty and all but hey, a lot of people still depend their lives on cards right? Fortune tellers, horoscopes, blah blah those sort of stuff. It won't hurt if I try not to be that cynical about destiny and stuff for once. Maybe if destiny, wanted me to win the game, then I would.

So I made a bet.. with the cards, and with myself. I asked for a sign. That's right, you can laugh, find it funny, corny or cheesy. I don't care. But I made a bet and I knew I had to.

If I win the game, then I'll keep waiting. I won't really go with the details that would only make you even barf more. Let's just say, I'll keep waiting, if I win this game. If destiny had something in store for me and wanted me to keep waiting, then it'll let me win the game. But if I lose, which I was unfortunately already foreseeing at the time, then I'll give up. I'll stop right at my sixth try and give the game up.

So there it was, the sixth game. And I was mouthing "Please let me win!" the whole time.

But, I lost. For the sixth time. And I know, it ain't coincidence. I must've missed on something again, picked the wrong card again, made a freakishly wrong move AGAIN, whatever, but whichever part of the game I did wrong, I know it was no coincidence.

Destiny wanted me to lose just as much as it wanted me to give up on something I've been holding on for pretty much a long time now. So I will.

And here's to all the that stolen glances.. The words I've always wanted to tell you but never had the courage to. Here's to all the awkward times together.. The songs I've written.. The bad things about you I always had to remember to at least try to forget how perfect you were. Here's to all the awkward smiles I gave you.. I'm ending our little game and so should you. Promise me one thing tho; try to at least act cool about everything and we'll be fine. Act like you don't know about anything and we'll be really gooood friends. I'll see you soon and we'll be friends again... Just like how destiny wants us to be. Goodbye seven of diamonds. I just lost hope.

7♦

HELLO FRIENDSHIP.

Hello totally not awkward smiles.